Damn girl, I ain’t seen you in like, two months. Where you been at? You’re always busy. See, that’s your problem, you be too busy, can’t nobody keep up. You know, you gotta slow down, open up. Somebody’s just trynna get to know you. Like, you over here acting light-skinned, it don’t cost you nothing to let someone get to know you.

Shit, I’m just trynna get to know you.

I’ve been told I’m too busy. Always running, always going
Couldn’t stay still if you handcuffed me
Wrists together, to a chair, to person,
Shit – to a person, I promise, I’m running.
I’ve always been told my mouth moves too quickly, like
If I don’t get the words out they’ll burn me up from inside,
Rush out like smoke, cloud my vision, cover my ears.
I’ve always been told I’m too much of something.
Too much out of fear, cause
The opposite of too much of something is just enough of nothing and
That doesn’t fit in here

But this wasn’t always the case.
I used to gum pop, sit criss-crossed, stare at the sky and
Count on my fingers
Your time and my time were never the same.
I moved on Swahili time before I knew what that even meant,
Pole-pole, slowly, slowly.
I was stuck in honey and I liked it.
You loved it.
Peppermint cool, I heard my thoughts before I let them out and
You didn’t have to pray
Or, pay me
To catch me listening.
I don’t listen much anymore

I don’t know quiet.
My thoughts run like,
4AM trips home and your phone just died,
Checking over your shoulder
Just trynna get there
Tripping over my own feet, my tongue
Hella loud, cold molasses,
Just trynna get there

I’m always running
Tryna keep up and get away at the same time,
Pulling myself apart, everywhere, all over.
Who taught me to move so quickly?
I mean, I tried teaching myself to slow down, to breathe
Cause, quite frankly,
I like fast but my lungs can’t keep up and I like breathing even more

Do you remember how old you were when you learned how to breathe?
I remember how old I was when I forgot.

But don’t worry about that.
My time can’t catch up to yours.
My breathing can’t slow down.
I’m busy, I’m not listening,
I don’t, I won’t, I can’t shut up.
I don’t mind the smoke
I’d rather my tears roll down quickly than freeze on my cheekbones and
It’s gonna cost you something to get to know me.
Oh, and you were wrong,
It’s been 8 months since you last saw me,
But you thought I wouldn’t know that cause I’m too busy.
Well, at least now you know why

I guess what I’m trying to say is,
I don’t mind busy. I don’t mind running.

Image: GIPHY

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Lyndsey Dyer

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