2014 was such an interesting year. From start to finish this has been the most challenging year of my life so far. It was full of ups and downs, decisions I did not want to make but had to, new experiences, deep hurt, extreme periods of joy. It was this rollercoaster. And even though the carousel never stops turning, I’m happy that this year is coming to a close because that means I can get off. I’ve been reflecting on this year a lot lately, I guess because it’s almost a wrap on 2014 and I’m a sentimental, emotional person about everything. My mind is absolutely blown about the difference a year can make. In so many ways I feel like a whole new person. In other ways I feel exactly the same. I guess the definitive verdict on this year is that I learned a lot.
2014 taught me that I have to make my own peace and protect it. No one is going to make sure I’m okay like I will. I learned that it’s okay to be selfish and selective. Everyone does not have my best interest at heart and therefore doesn’t deserve every part of me. (This lesson has of course made me a bit cynical, but I’m working on that too.) I learned about friendship this year. Real genuine friendship has been modeled for me and I’m incredibly thankful for it. I learned that the idea of closure is really a bunch of crap — this of course goes back to the making your own peace part. I experienced new parts of the world and am plotting on how to get to the places I haven’t been yet. I figured out exactly what I want to pursue after graduation (THANK GOD). I lost sight of who I am, what I have to offer- what I deserve from the people in my life for a bit there. And, I got Gabrielle back.
I guess I really just learned how to choose me. 2014 was this journey of falling back in love with myself and with my life. It was so incredibly hard. There were weeks on end that just felt like I was standing in the middle of this typhoon with no end to the rain insight. But the sun came out. This sun only began to shine consistently recently of course but it came out nonetheless. And I’m so happy. I’m so contentedly happy that I could burst. By no means is everything great. School is so stressful. I still have things that make me insecure. I’m terrified of the changes that are about to come into my life even though I know that great things are coming. And, while I wouldn’t wish the pain, hurt, and self-doubt I went through this year on my worst enemy, I’m glad I experienced it.
I understand my soul better. I’m thankful for the months of darkness. They’ve helped me appreciate the light. Here’s hoping that 2015 is a bit more consistently on my side. Here’s to being #TeamMe and loving every minute of it. Here’s to whatever 2015 will bring.
Happy Thanksgiving. Happy FINALS!! (LOL) Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.
For the first time, in a long time, everything feels inspiring. I’m just fine dancing alone. I feel confident in my moves. I know my outfit looks good. My favorite song is playing y’all.
And it feels SO good to say that. Gabby got her groove back.