I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off most days. Between my 9-5 and 5-midnight, life is a lot. I’m mostly on someone else’s time because I don’t have my own modes of transportation in my current situation. The 9-5 I mentioned? It’s temporary, which means that when the gig is over, the funds are too until I find something else. But, that’s honestly not what this post is meant to be about. I’m really just trying to provide some context so that the message below makes sense.
I went on a road trip to North Carolina last weekend. Drove myself there, drove myself back. It had been months since I’d been behind the wheel of a car. MONTHS. Do you know how good it felt to be on my own schedule, going at my own pace, blasting my tunes and just getting to where I was going? I successfully did two major shoots last weekend and got myself to NC and back to VA without any tickets or car issues.
Proud of myself is an understatement. Did I cry in the Chik-fil-A parking lot in-between shoots? Yes. Did I have to stop myself from crying while driving? Yes.
Here’s the thing, I go back and forth a thousand times a day about the current state of my life. In some moments, I feel like I’m on the right track and exactly where I’m supposed to be. In others, I don’t see how anything is going to come together and worry I’m squandering all of my gifts, degrees, and resources.
I’m in a season of almost turning the corner but not quite being there yet. I know the other side of the track is coming and can feel myself in the turn. But I’m still in the turn. I’m still in the turn. Let me say that one more time, I’m still in the turn.
Where’s the peace in feeling like everything, God included, is telling you to speed up whole time you feel as though you’re working as hard as you can? I guess I answered my own question. I should be fast, quick, smarter.
Where’s the balance between feeling both called to a season of silence and wanting to tell the world how good God has been and is being to you? This blog post.
Where’s the balance between not feeling like the minute details of your life are in your hands, yet knowing the big picture comes up all you? The pocket.
The freedom is in the pockets. The little patches and glimpses of the other side the Universe provides to keep us going. It’s in being sent a discount code for something you needed the morning you needed it. Being contacted by someone you prayed to hear from the night before the morning after. Tastes of life on the road again to keep you in practice, keep you alert, keep you faithful. The freedom is in the pockets. The grace is in the turn.
Maybe I’m talking to myself here and this makes no sense. But, I just felt lead to share a little bit about my graces and frustrations in my current moment today. Felt led to remind myself, and maybe you to keep going. Round the corner. Come on to the next track strong. I say next track because if you’re doing it right, the race is never finished…
Quarterbacks make their big decisions from the pocket. In the pocket, you can see the whole field if you’re paying attention. In the pocket, you’re protected if the other players on your team are doing their jobs right. The freedom is in the pocket. The grace is in the turn.