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    On Cardi, Offset, and the Wrong Way to Apologize

    cardi offset
    Getty Images/Scott Dudelson

    It’s a tale as old as time. Guy messes up. Guy gets caught. Guy wants second, third, fourth, X chance and does the most in an attempt to get it. Enter Offset crashing Cardi’s set at Rolling Loud last weekend on top of posting Instagram apology videos and getting multiple rappers and entertainers to bombard the media and Cardi directly with pleas for her to take him back. Enter Jay Z quietly following BeyoncĂ© around Europe after he cheated. Enter any time you’ve told a man you were done or needed space and they didn’t listen. Enter the general inability of some men to listen to and follow directions, actually give someone space, and not try to manipulate a situation to their advantage. 

    There is really no way to spin it, Offset’s behavior is downright manipulation and emotional abuse, including the first crime of cheating. And everything he’s done since what he did in the dark came to light is disgusting. While I understand the sentiment behind public embarrassment public apology, this is no longer that. It’s a larger campaign to weigh on Cardi through various mediums in order to get her to take him back.

    He’s doing too much. How dare he show up to Cardi’s set at Rolling Loud, the first female headlining set at that, and take that moment away from her (I hope she sues Rolling Loud too because it seems from social media that they were in on it). How dare he enlist the media and others in the industry to bombard her with messages to take him back. How dare he not even be clear what he was apologizing for in his lil Instagram video. How dare he use the holidays as an excuse for why he should be forgiven his sins. His whole claim is that he’s “sorry, bruh.” but his behavior isn’t actually lending itself to a believable apology.

    Apologies are ultimately about understanding how you hurt the person you wronged, why you did it, and if they're willing to let you, figuring out how to move forward. Click To Tweet

    Apologies are ultimately about understanding how you hurt the person you wronged, why you did it, and if they’re willing to let you, figuring out how to move forward. Pressuring Cardi to take him back and forgive him like this isn’t demonstrating that he truly feels remorse for his actions. It’s demonstrating that he got caught and knows he can get the public on his side and hopefully win. Win in the court of public opinion. Win by keeping anyone else from having Cardi who it doesn’t seem like he appreciated in the first place. Win by using all the ways men have gotten off in the past in this present moment.

    Granted, I don’t know Offset, but I have experienced behavior like this firsthand and when I was in this situation, it was less about the apology and more about gaining some sort of control over the narrative, my feelings, and in the process, me. It was the general “I’m sorry,” without specifics. It was the “Oh, you’re really not gonna talk to me?” Yes, bro. It was the “You’re really gonna move on?” Yes. Yes, I am. It’s not even clear if Offset knows exactly what he did wrong and what he’s apologizing for. It’s also not clear if he truly wants to change or just knows he has to be better about not getting caught next time.

    And ain’t nobody got time for that. While I won’t judge Cardi if she ends up going back to or staying with Offset and trying to work things out, I do simply hope she ends up in a healthier situation. Ultimately, Cardi and Offset do have a child together and if they decide that staying together is best for Cardi and Kulture, then we should all wish them the best.

    History has proven men rarely extend to women the courtesies they're quick to ask for themselves. Click To Tweet

    But on my plebeian planet? It’s no in my personal life (as of late, let’s be honest, I only just got healthy) and in the lives of what I would want for anyone I love. Love shouldn’t be control and that’s all Offset or anyone who acts like him is trying to do. At the end of the day, cheating and the subsequent apology masquerading as manipulation are just emotional abuse that no one, let alone a twenty-five-year-old new mother and rap sensation, should have to deal with or stay through.

    Would Offset take Cardi back if the roles were reversed?
    Doubt it. History has proven men rarely extend to women the courtesies they’re quick to ask for themselves.

    P.S. I hope this isn’t apart of a PR stunt.

    P.P.S. I just know she cussed him out. Go sis. 

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    Gabrielle Hickmon
    Gabrielle Hickmon

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