I heard Sza sing …
“Praying the 20 something’s don’t kill me, kill me.”
And I thought – they won’t. Because somehow you’re still here. Learning, unlearning, growing and most importantly still breathing.
The things that you thought would surely take you out, didn’t. Somehow, you are still surviving. And well, the girl that once was is almost unrecognizable. Not to be discarded. But to meld into who you’ve become. Surely, there are some parts of her that you most certainly would want to resurrect.
Like, when did you start to care so much? When did you get insecure? 20-something felt fearless and invincible and somehow, aging feels like you’re more seen than you’ve ever have been. Exposed. Like everything hidden in school papers and that relationship is suddenly on display.
Thinking material things, accolades and intelligence dictate your worth. Thinking that excellence only means being the best and not doing your best.
Some may think that means being complacent to find your worth outside of things. But you, you have grown to know that means your peace. And that is a price tag that’s too expensive for even the richest man.
You will have found yourself many times after being lost, uncertain, unsure. Of yourself, of your path, of the process.
But the most important thing you have come to know is the anchor of God that brings you to tears when you think of just how much you are loved. Despite. Despite that bad attitude of being hangry or sleepy. Despite that lack of faith at times when you seem to believe that you can somehow do any of this in your own strength.
You will be chasing soft in a way that you would never have imagined. Because formally you may have made gentleness synonymous with being weak.
Your life sweetheart has barely begun. You have been bound by others perceptions of you and you will learn that only you can set yourself free. And the power that comes with that, knowing that you have more control over your destiny than you may have thought and all the control over who you get to present to this world, is intoxicating. You will be drunk with the freedom of being yourself in a world that wants to tell you otherwise and does not get to confine you to their small minds.
You will learn that life has twists and turns and there are no grades after college. The barometer of whether you are doing well or poorly will become intertwined in material possession. And so you will chase it. Only to realize that there is nothing in this life you need to chase. You just need to continue to be refined to rise and meet it.
See what’s yours is yours and there is nothing that can take that away from you. Scarcity will read on the posters of those around you. But you will dig your heels in and proclaim that there is indeed enough. That you are enough. And that in itself will be a revolution.
Be gentle with yourself my love. Be kind to you. Love you. You have been so busy running that you forgot what has surrounded you. Great love, doting affection, accomplishment, impact, community, purpose and so much more. You have everything that you need. And you will often need to remind yourself of that, but you are indeed equipped.
Your 20-somethings will not kill you. They will provide the foundation to propel you into everything true, everything light, and everything that you need to finish this thing of life off stronger than you ever could have imagined.
You will learn that the true definition of courage is showing up and being seen. You thought you knew everything then, and what you have learned is that you know nothing at all. That’s the adventure. That’s where things start to get really good.
Love, and always more love.