He's Just Not That Into You

When’s the last time you left your iPhone on the counter of a crowded bar to take a bathroom break, in hopes it’d still be right there when you returned?

When’s the last time you left your car unlocked in the sketch part of town, Céline bag resting in the passenger seat, in hopes your windows remain intact and your bag untouched at the end of the night?

You haven’t. Because people don’t put in jeopardy the things they love.

We buy shatterproof cases. We lock our doors and lock our doors again, just to be sure. We hide away our savings under the mattress or in pad-locked deposit boxes. And we pay premium prices for insurance, so that in the rare event that our precious something somehow slips from our grasp, we can get it right back.

It doesn’t require rocket science to decipher what someone deems valuable. They protect it. They cherish it. They do everything reasonably within their power not to lose it.

When it comes to relationships, we nurture those we consider the most important, leaving the fate of casual encounters and non-essential associates up to life’s chance.

Meet Jamie: One of my very good friends. The quintessential casanova. He’s the minimal effort, maximum results type of guy; women fall at his grace for not much more than a “good morning” text and the viewing of a decent Netflix original. If one decided they’d had enough of the careless romance, they’d be on their way (for the second, third, sometimes fourth time), and he on his. After all, his rolodex of women was never short of options.

Until he met a woman he considered irreplaceable. From journeying an hour across town for date nights, to dropping several paychecks on the perfect Valentine’s Day gifts, he went millions of miles out of his way to please and appease her, something he’d never been known to do. And when he messed up, he worked overtime to make it right.

Through Jamie and others, I’ve learned one simple thing: Men don’t play hard to get. If they want you, you’ll know. No guessing, no wondering, no “what ifs,” no “what are we’s.” 

A man will move mountains for the one he wants. Her texts won’t go unread. Her calls won’t go unanswered. He won’t break plans. He won’t break promises. And in the event that he somehow does, as many men foolishly do, he’ll pay the premium price to win her back.

So, if he puts you and your position in his life in jeopardy, if he leaves the fate of your relationship up to chance, if you find yourself exerting more effort in than you’re getting out; if he doesn’t provide you with the assurance you need: He’s just not that into you.

If you find yourself four texts deep with no response from him in sight, he's just not that into you. If last week's plans turned into this week's plans and this week's plans turned into next week's, he's just not that into you. If you're a last minute drive-by instead of the main event, he's just not that into you. If you fall back and he doesn't notice, he's just not that into you. If you do it all for him and he does nothing for you, he's just not that into you. If you tell him you're done, and his response is less than two words, he's just not that into you.

You’re more valuable than a high-priced device and a designer bag. He shouldn’t place more value in his luxury wallet than he does in you. 

There’s a clear distinction between being invited and simply showing up. His actions speak louder than his words ever will. He may entertain you while he has you, but his reaction when he’s at risk of losing you tells much more. Don’t chase what doesn’t want to be caught. Don’t fight for what doesn’t want to be won. 

He's already decided that your value, in his eyes, isn't worth putting in the effort to keep. Let him lose you for the last time, and find someone who won’t.

 

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