Maybe I’m ranting but, bear with me. Why is it my burden to bear when you need time to work out your feelings?
“Don’t internalize someone working out their own shit.”
Let that soak in. When someone, anyone, is straightforward and candid with you about their feelings (or lack thereof), they do not owe you anything. They do not owe you comfort while you work out your mental state. If I tell you “Hey, I’m no longer interested in you because you strung me along,” why should I care that your feelings are hurt? What about mine? I can’t figure out if the men and women in my life truly expect me to care for them after they discarded me, but I’m starting to think many haven’t learned the above lesson.
No one has to put up with your shit. This isn’t VH1 and I’m not Bey, I don’t have to stay around for ratings or money/children/love. Once I decide to walk away, it’s on you not me to work that out. Once I read you for filth because you were trash, I am not obligated to care that I hurt you. Call it cold or callous, but at some point we have to all take responsibility for our poor actions.
Once in life I dated a writer. I was horrible to him. I loved him less and blamed him when he didn’t love me more. He was the first person to go I don’t care that you are hurting because you did this to yourself. For a very long time that angered me and I described him as a terrible person to anyone who cared to listen. But now, I am him. I don’t care that you feel a way when you see me in public after you did me wrong. I don’t care that you know I’m dating XYZ and I definitely won’t be hiding it. It’s not my job to care for and comfort those who are dealing with the consequences of their actions.
“After I’m transparent, it is not my job nor duty to comfort you as you figure out your feelings. That’s not my burden to bear.”
Some life lessons are hard pills to swallow but necessary. The day it becomes clear that no one owes you for the misery you create, will be the day you become a happier person. That will be the day you recognize the worth of others. We spend a lot of time (as we should) focused on ourselves and our personal growth. The problems begin once we think we are above consequences. When “focusing on ourselves and figuring it out” becomes “let me just be trash and cry when XYZ stops fucking with me.” That is one of the biggest areas for growth for many of us and needs to be properly addressed. Just not by me though; you no longer exist to me.