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    8 months without a title is…?

    During one of my many Twitter scrolls, I came across the following tweet. 

    8 months with no title is called….? An internship. Others called it a foundation, waste of air space, a lease, etc. etc. Twitter is really full of comedians and y’all all deserve comedy shows. The funniest thing about this tweet to me was all of the further commentary it sparked on the TL. Some folks agreed with this individual and felt that being involved with someone for 8 months without a title meant that said individual was indecisive and unsure of whether or not they wanted to take things to the next level with a person. Statements like, a man who really wants to be with you isn’t waiting 8 months to wife you, were tweeted out far and wide. 

    I personally am not sure how I feel about this question or how I’d answer it for a multitude of reasons. The most relevant of which being that I used to agree with the above premise. I was very much the they need to ask me out and make it official after 3ish months or I’m bouncing girl. Hell, I even gave my ex-boyfriend that exact ultimatum which resulted in yes a 2+ year relationship, but also cheating and three days of hell post-cuff me or I’m out declaration while I waited for him to decide what he was going to do. (I was seventeen then, give me a break). 

    Fast forward to life at twenty-two and now twenty-three. Enter in male who checks all of my boxes minus the whole being emotionally available thing (there really should be a test you can give folks to determine their propensity to engage in emotional relationships, but I digress). Follow up a few dates and the whole “I’m not looking for a relationship” conversation, with what for all intensive purposes was a relationship (which I was just told and by golly was that news to me) without a title and you’ve got me dealing with someone for a year plus, with no title. I can type that here because I’m not ashamed of it. 

    When I saw the aforementioned tweet, I like every other millennial took it to the group chat to garner other opinions because when one does and doesn’t get into an “official” relationship is not as black and white as we would like it to be or as the TL would have you think it is. There are so many factors that can determine the decisions we make within this arena and I think we spend too much time caught up on a title and less time focused on how the person we’re dealing with is moving. I used to hate the phrase “what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained,” but now, I get it and sometimes, it’s true. 

    In my year plus situationship, I never tripped off a title because I didn’t feel I needed or wanted one forreal. I’m twenty-three, a recent grad with a life that’s completely up in the air. The fuck do I look like tryna be someone’s girlfriend? Now, maybe my view on this changed from age seventeen simply to justify my behavior. Maybe it changed to justify feeling like I settled. But, I really wouldn’t change much about how I spent the last year or the person I spent the last year with. So, that begs the question: Is it settling if you’re happy? 

    Ultimately, I think we talk a lot of shit about stuff we can’t understand until we’ve been in said person or situations shoes. If you’re happy, why upset yourself by leaving just because they didn’t make you their “boyfriend” or “girlfriend?” What do those titles even mean anymore? Do people even actually ask people out anymore or is that just something that you sort of fall into? And if you have a connection, does that ultimately mean more than any title or label you could put on it? Can you commit to doing life with someone without formally asking or naming said commitment? 

    I have no answers and I’m certainly not advocating for being played with or led on. As long as you’re not knowingly the weekend, live your best life sis.

    I just think meaningful relationships can and often do exist without or maybe in-spite of the labels we put on them. So really, 8 months with no title is called…

    Photo: Footwear News

    Gabrielle Hickmon
    Gabrielle Hickmon

    Find me on: Web | Twitter


    1 Comment

    1. October 10, 2017 / 5:36 am

      I do agree; people should absolutely do things how they see fit. However, I’m also an advocate for speaking up for what you want, no matter now abnormal it is. If all you’ve seen is divorce in your life, and you still want to be married, for instance, it doesn’t matter how "normal" it is for it not to work out. Same with situationships and relationships. It’s one thing to be genuinely cool with no title, completely different ball game to spend all the energy and time convincing yourself, your friends, your mate, whoever that that’s actually what you want. I’ve been in the latter position and now I know that there isn’t anything wrong with the things I want and not settling until I meet someone who is on the same wave as I am.

      Titles don’t force people to act a certain way. A disloyal person who is a boyfriend is still a disloyal person. People are who they are, despite the labels associated with them. Maybe the title isn’t that big of a deal, however, why act like you’re in a relationship if you aren’t able to commit to being in one? What’s stopping that person from upholding the same type of relationship with someone else, just without the consequences? Or is it this open thing where the 2 of you are permitted to date other people?

      At the end of the day, people do what they want, pay attention to what they feel deserves attention. It is a great conversation to be had amongst men and women. Potential podcast topic? I think so.

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