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    date a writer, don’t read their work

    keep in mind I’m an artist, and I’m sensitive about my shit… 
    – Erykah Badu

    This post is in the situationships section for a reason, because it is partners, lil babies who don’t listen, and hoes who I think shouldn’t be reading your (my) work. 

    Here’s the thing, writing, is for me, sacred. I commune with God and myself every time I put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. And being vulnerable, writing the way I write is hard enough without wondering if they’re gonna read it, think it’s about them, and then question me on it. 

    Yes, I’d rather avoid that entirely. 

    “I read your little situationships post today.” 
    Confuckingratulations. You can read. Awesome. I don’t know why you think I care. I read it already, a few times to be honest because well, I wrote it! 

    “So, tell me how you really feel.” 
    Didn’t you just say you read the post? Okay, so you know how I feel. I said what I said. I wrote it all down. Immortalized you, it, we, us, together forever in Helvetica size 12. 

    Sometimes, writing is fighting to get the words from your heart on to the page. Especially, no, always when it is about them, you, me, we, us, together. And sure, you could argue that I shouldn’t be writing/publishing pieces about my relationships, but to that I say, who tf are you and how dare you try to police my art?!

    Dissect. Engage. Love. Hate. But don’t you dare police it. 

    So, a word of advice to all the he’s, her’s, and they’s out there who think they want to date a writer. 

    Date a writer but don’t read their work.
    Don’t read their work unless you can: handle showing up in it, appreciate their vulnerability, understand that very little is real until it is written, know that writing is not linear and old friends/lovers/places/things may always be a part of the stories, their story, keep popping up – it does not mean your writer is not there with you. 

    Don’t read their work if you’re going to police it or are uncomfortable knowing something about you is out there floating around in the universe (Internet). Don’t date a writer if you can’t process your own emotions and don’t read their work if you don’t want to be confronted by their thoughts on you. 

    I know partners are supposed to know what’s up so they can be supportive. And maybe this is just me being weird and hiding from vulnerability, but, I probably didn’t write it for you – my partner. So, what do I care if you do or don’t read it? 

    Last thing, and this is important, if you wanted nice things written about you, you should’ve behaved better (Anne Lamott). 

    If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.

    — Anne Lemott

    Date a writer if you understand how words feed their soul. 
    Date a writer if you appreciate artistic license. 
    Date a writer if you love getting lost in worlds created by the one whose world you love.
    Date a writer if you want to live forever. 

    And for those lil babies who do listen, thanks for making our process easier. We see you. 

    Image: GIPHY

    Gabrielle Hickmon
    Gabrielle Hickmon

    Find me on: Web | Twitter



    1. July 4, 2017 / 2:39 pm

      I feel you; this echoes how I felt in the early years of blogging. It’s tough because there’s writing and there’s blogging, and once something’s out there on the Internet, it’s out of our hands. This is why penning off the screen has become increasingly important to me now. Everything just isn’t for everybody. Xoxo.

    2. The Black Queen
      July 5, 2017 / 3:36 am

      I liked this a lot it’s cathartic to write about my feelings especially when I am open to feedback but I completely understand when someone is trying to limit your voice, if they aren’t secure it can really backfire. I am the type to make lemonade from lemons and when the fire starts I’m ready to make smores. Spread the love galore. – Black Queen

    3. July 5, 2017 / 4:56 pm

      Found your blog post on twitter and I retweeded it without even reading it.

      As I was going through my page today I saw my retweet and decided to take a read. And I’m so glad I did! This post is gold.

      I use to get into so many arguments with an old ex about me writing on my experiences in relationships because he felt so weird about me writing about the relationship.

      But I always told him that writing is how I heal and it’s how I open up. He never understood tho. But I’m glad someone wrote about this.

      Thank you so much for your vulnerability 💕


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