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    Did you eat today? and other non-negotiables: Round 2

    In a dating world where the person who shows they care first loses, it often feels like chivalry, you know, those little things that show someone has at the very least some manners and maybe cares about you just a little bit, has gone out the window. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the history behind chivalry and fully support any all and, “I don’t need a man” movements. But here’s the gag, while I don’t “need” a man, it sure is nice to have one around – especially when he’s acting right. However, they often don’t. So, again, I say, if ya man not doing these things sis, you might wanna let him go or at the very least give him a stern talking to.

    1. Street/Outdoor Etiquette

    There are so many things wrong with this picture. Why is Taraji clearly cold while her man has on a jacket? Why is she closer to the street/curb than he is? If any man you’re with, friend, brother, father, boyfriend, uncle, co-worker (we don’t care), doesn’t walk on the outside of the street and lets you walk around cold, let him go sis. But, if he offers you his jacket, don’t turn it down and then complain about being cold. Because at that point? You did it to yourself. 

    Also, why is he so into his phone? Just, so many things are wrong here.  

    2. Catch me when I fall

    This is one I just learned recently, but a man should always walk ahead of you when going down the stairs and behind you when walking up them. Who knew?! Apparently, this is so that if you fall, no matter the direction he will, hopefully, catch you or at the very least break your fall. We personally can’t envision this resulting in anything other than both of us busting our noses wide open, but the gesture is still nice. Get you a man that’s gonna catch you when you fall ladies – both literally, when you fall down the stairs, and figuratively, when you fall for him and choose to let him into your heart.  

    3. Trash day

    Alright, your man, brother, cousin, guy-friend, whoever you know of the male species comes to your house. It’s a few days before the trash needs to be taken out, so naturally your bin is on 100. He absolutely should take your trash to wherever it’s supposed to go for you – curb, dumpster, apartment complex trash heap – doesn’t matter, he should take it there. And this is not because you can’t take your trash out yourself. You can. However, it’s really just the considerate thing to do. Also, if we’re getting into traditional gender roles, that would “traditionally” be something a man does around the house/for his woman so… the point stands. Kudos to him if you don’t have to mention it to him. For us, this one boils down to being considerate and caring about the space you occupy. Dassit. Don’t @ us.

    4. We don’t want no devils in the house

    Men should always sit facing the door. This is so that he can see who is coming into and out of wherever the two of you are. That way, if stuff goes left, he can step in as necessary and no one can say they were surprised. 

    5. DTR (Define the Relationship)

    This one is especially important in the age of situationships. HE SHOULDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM DEFINING WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING. Men LIVE for a gray area situation, as long as they are in control, and in 2017 we’re going to stop letting them get away with that. #SendTheWhatAreWeText2017, just kidding, just kidding. But in all seriousness, make sure that you’re on the same page with anyone that you’re dealing with about what it is that you’re doing. Because your sanity and health are honestly, truly, too important. 

    Some will say this isn’t a part of chivalry. Some will say it’s not necessary. Some will ask what that means. Let them go sis.  

    6. Secure the bag

    Secure the bag. What do we mean by this? He should secure your bag, aka be close enough to you so that when y’all are at a function he can grab you if necessary as people walk by. This was described to us as “securing ya girl.” We all know that people are rude, don’t say excuse me, will walk past you, and bump into you, without thinking twice about it. If you’re out with a man in your life, again, no matter his position, he should be making sure you’re good – making sure you’re secure. 

    This also includes stepping in when/if you get a little crazy. I def popped off on a guy in the club who was doing too much a few days ago and it was nice to know that my guy friends had my back by separating me from him, calming both him and I down, and making sure he left our larger group alone.  

    Guy friends also need to be prepared to pretend to be bae. I don’t care about what girl you’re tryna get on. If a guy is harassing me and we’re out together? We now go together until he gets the picture and leaves me alone. I wish we lived in a world where my “No” means more than my fake bae’s “Aye, yo chill,” but we don’t, so here we are.

    7. Gone and order extra babe

    We both know I’m going to eat off your plate. Yes, I know you asked me if I wanted any and I said no. Yes, I also said that I didn’t want anything of my own. BUT WE BOTH KNOW I’M GOING TO EAT OFF YOUR PLATE. So, there are two ways he can handle this: order extra food and or offer me some anyway. Honestly, he should do both – offer again once the food comes after I’ve already turned it down, and order extra, because he knows I’m going to have some. Gone and order 15 wings when you only wanted 10 babe, we both know I’ll eat a few. 

    8. Captain Obvious

    This should be obvious so we’re not going to explain it. Opening and closing doors. It’s just the nice thing to do. Just don’t be like me and sometimes, not give him a chance to. A good way to see if he is going to do this is to one, walk behind him (Will he open + hold it? Or let it slam you in the face?), two, walk next to or in front of him, get to the door, and then WAIT. 🙂 

    Listen, we know that some of these things sound archaic, but honestly, they matter. Not because women cannot fend for themselves, but because they’re simply the considerate thing to do in most situations and no one wants to date, be friends with, or deal with a man with no behavior. We’re no damsels in distress, but it sure is nice to be protected by the men in our lives.  

    What’s something considerate or chivalrous you think men should do for women? Disagree with our list? Let us know in the comments! 


    Thanks to any and all men who were consulted during the writing of this post. 




    Gabrielle Hickmon
    Gabrielle Hickmon

    Find me on: Web | Twitter



    1. Jokes1881
      January 7, 2017 / 1:42 pm

      Come ready to last more than five minutes 🗣

    2. VagabroadJournals
      January 22, 2017 / 9:05 pm

      Speaking as someone who’s never dated, I’ve officially been schooled! Thanks for this!


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