“I exist in a world where logic is prized and emotion is cast aside as frivolous. But as a person who is more emotional than logical, where does that leave me?”
It’s ironic how cyclical life can be. Four months ago I hit a low point that I can’t explain even now, yet I was determined to fight my way out of it. The thing was, now I realize, that I was determined to fight my way out of that hole for someone else. I was fighting so that the person I loved would come back into my life. For the sake of a good story, he did, momentarily. But what’s a fight when it isn’t for yourself?
Now I find myself back where I was four months ago. Seeking to find myself and to really understand the lessons that I’m receiving. The only difference is, there’s no guy coming back this time. That guy moved on. It’s just me and that is one of the scariest things I’ve faced in a long time- having to be with myself.
I’m restarting a journey that I wish I hadn’t veered from two months ago. Growth doesn’t happen overnight- you have to water your plants daily if you want them to bloom. I want to bloom. I want to bloom despite the pain I feel. I want to bloom despite the person I believed to be my future no longer existing in that way.
I want to bloom for me. I want to find the logic where it hasn’t existed.