You're not made to be together: the problem with off-again, on-again situationships.

Passion, pain and pleasure. These three words encompass the range of emotions anyone can feel in the course of a relationship. I recently listened to Trey Songz’s fourth album “Passion, Pain & Pleasure” (for the umpteenth time) and actually LISTENED to the way he tackles all of these emotions with many of his songs, specifically Made to be Together. I didn’t realize until this recent listen that this song in a way romanticizes how we think we are meant to be with people that aren’t really invested in us the way we are in them.

The lyrics tell a story that anyone can relate to. Essentially Trey Songz messed up somehow (as he always does) and is now trying to come back insisting that the two are made to be together.

We all have that one person we can’t seem to shake. It’s that one person we allow to keep coming in and out of our lives. Even when it hasn’t worked out before we still have hope that maybe this time will be different. Is it because we feel like we are “made to be together” or because of the level of comfort we have with this person? Whatever it is they’re a fixture in our lives, even though they are yo-yoing us.

Lately, I’ve been thinking heavily about this concept and came up with a why we let ole dude waltz in and out of our lives - because we(I) normalized not being someone else’s priority. I told myself that even though he continually took the ambiguous route never making his stake in the game clear, that he was going to be it. I punished him once by taking myself out the equation. But, because I felt we were “made to be together,” I discounted the fact that since he doesn’t see the true value of himself, there was no way he could see mine.  

Being in this position can be exhausting because you are always making excuses for the inability of the person you are dealing with to make a solid decision and to stop searching for what is in front of them. With that being said, here are some examples of why you need to avoid waiting for an indecisive individual courtesy of Made to be Together:

Example 1:

“Sun, won’t shine, moon won’t glow. This star of mine, is my star no more. I did you wrong and this I know. Come keep me warm, please girl, I’m so cold”

Grandma said it best, “You never miss your water until the well runs dry” and this lyric emphasizes this. Whether it was cheating, neglect or something along those lines, he KNOWS he did wrong and it’s his responsibility to admit and rectify it. Essentially now that you're gone, he realizes the beauty, light and sense of normalcy you brought to his world and wants it back. Everyone has experienced someone who doesn’t value their presence until it’s gone and truth be told that isn’t good. Some subscribe to the theory of “Well, if I leave I’ll make sure they miss me.” But sis, if you have to leave for your presence to be appreciated then you shouldn't be present in the first place. I liken this to when a five year old temporally gets a toy taken away, it bothers them for a moment because they can’t have it then but within five minutes they aren’t thinking about it and move on to the next.

Example 2:

“I can’t let you go, I won’t let you leave. One thing that I know is baby, you were made for me for sure. My life in in your hands, I’m meant to be your man, we’re made to be together”

If “I were really made for you” you wouldn’t have risked me with your actions. Whenever someone tells you “I can’t let you go” this really translates to, “I really know I was wrong for messing up and you should leave but please don’t.” And sis, nine times out of ten you need to get out of dodge because he’s going to do it again, making you feel like a fool for staying. This statement sounds cute and endearing but it’s not. If you are meant to be with someone they'll see the value in you and won’t jeopardize it by going elsewhere. The same way one doesn’t play Russian roulette with ones life is the same way one won’t jeopardize the one they feel they’re meant to be with.

Example 3:

“All I know is I hold onto memories. Girl, you know just what you do to me I acted so stupidly
And unless you want to take away my soul, no, don't go”

Whenever a man says something along these lines you need to get gone. He knows he was wrong but doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. A man should be showing you why he deserves you, not showing you why you need to take off the opposite direction. For some individuals, what you do for them may never be enough because they're still seeking for it elsewhere. In this case run like Usain Bolt and don’t let the memories of what was cloud what is!

These are just some takeaways on how to answer the question of, “Are we really made to be together?” Life has taught me that you don’t have to force what will eventually be. Don’t ignore the signs, even if they aren’t the ones you want. Just because something might be hard to get doesn’t always mean it’s the right thing. With that being said see the individual for who they are and not what you want them to be. Living in a fantasy only makes reality more difficult.