The following is a list of non-negotiables in the world of baedom, boo-loving, trying to get out the friendzone (for the fellas). Non-negotiables AKA how to get a girl and KEEP her AKA if he don’t do these things let him go sis.
1.“Did you eat today?”
We’ve all heard it said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I don’t know why there isn’t a reverse of this statement for women (maybe there is and I just don’t know it) but I am a living witness that the way to my heart is through food. I don’t think I’ve ever ordered salad on a date and I’m sorry I’m just not concerned with eating all dainty in front of a man. That being said, if a man doesn’t feed you or make sure you’re not hungry then let’s be honest, he not really messing with you sis. I’m sorry, but there’s no way you should have a boo, bae, guy to buy you food number in your phone and ever be hungry. And, well, if you are, then…. Sips tea.
Note* “Did you eat today?” “Are you hungry?” “What do you want me to order you?” Are all acceptable forms of communication about this issue. But if you say you’re hungry and he doesn’t make moves to remedy that situation, sis, let him go. You deserve better. You deserve to be fed.
Note, note* IF HE ASKS YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO EAT –PLS FOR THE SAKE OF ALL WOMEN KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. I’m tired of that meme about asking your girl what she wants to eat only for her to say “I don’t know” still being relevant.
2. Street etiquette
a. Call me old fashioned, but I still love it when a man walks on the outside of the street while we stroll down the sidewalk to wherever we happen to be going. My parents always taught me that’s how it should be, so, that’s how it should be. I’m sure it has something to do with the idea that a man should protect his woman/child and you know what? I’m fine with that. I might not be a damsel in distress but a little extra protection never hurt. Best believe I note which side you’re on.. and you should too sis.
b. Looking before we cross the street. You’re thinking, they teach us this in grade school, we know. HAHA, you’re so funny. I know that. I went to preschool too. You ever try to cross a street with a guy and he sees something coming that you didn’t so he reaches back and like restrains you from crossing? Might seem minute, but little shit like that matters. It shows he’s looking out for you and will do his best to keep you safe when you’re with him. Important.
c. Opening doors & carrying bags. Since the dawn of time, men have been remarking about how much stronger than women they are. Cool, put that strength to good use – open this door and carry these heavy bags. You got it boo.
3. Put me on to new things
I love to learn and love a guy that can teach me something even more. Put me on to new things! A recipe you learned how to cook? Teach me! Your new favorite artist? I like music too, I want to listen. Some cool investing trick that will make me rich? Please, share. As fun as it is to date someone with the same or similar interests, don’t totally count out the guy you vibe with but might not have anything or everythinggggg in common with – that’s a whole new/different wealth of knowledges and experiences you’ll miss out on if you totally dub his life.
4. Wit, no corny n*ggas
I have a smart mouth. I’ve known it since before I was born. My momma either popped me in the mouth as soon as I decided to get too grown as a kid or we were in public so she gave me that look like “I’m going to get you when we get home.” This trait has of course carried over into my young adult life because I don’t listennnnnnn. Therefore, it’s important to me that bae/guy who buys me food/the guy I text when I’m bored stays on his toes and is ready to get.this.work at all times. You never know when I’m going to start talking shit or being sarcastic and it’s attractive if you can keep up. NO CORNY N*GGAS. Get thee from behind me oh corny negro!
Find someone who matches or out wits you ladies. It makes things fun.
5. Sense of adventure
Exploring is fun. Getting lost is fun. Wandering around a city and discovering new restaurants, shops, or clubs, is fun. Adventuring is fun. If you’re a life enthusiast, then it’s crucial that you date someone with a sense of adventure. I’ll try anything at least once and firmly believe that getting lost is an essential part of finding answers to all of life’s questions. Bae gotta be down to venture, voyage, and visit with me too. As long as we’re together, we can figure anything out right – get ourselves back home?
There’s nothing worse than falling into a rut in a relationship. Keep things lively, spicy, and fun by adventuring together.
6. “Snatch me up”
We’ve established that I have a smart mouth and don’t listen. Cool. I’m stubborn, like to be in charge, and think I’m always right. Only, I’m not always right and don’t actually need to always be “in charge.” This is where you come in. You’re large and in charge, the man, head of the house (IF we’re married), etc. act like it. Sometimes, you’re just going to have to make me listen to you. No, I don’t mean by hitting me or something like that (domestic violence is never okay). I mean by making me see why you’re right and I was wrong. TBH, sometimes, I might need a “stern talking to” lol and don’t you ever let me walk away from you.
The thing about women like us sis is that sometimes we don’t know best and need to allow the man in our lives to walk with us and lead us. I used to think this would make me a “weak woman,” and then I grew up a bit. I used to think I wanted a “yes man” and then realized that would be boring. Get you a man that lets you do ya thing, but knows how and when to reel you in. Channeled agression is sexy.
7. Friend etiquette
I recently went out to a club in NYC with my girls. We meet some guys and all decide to go to El Puerto after. (GO TO EL PUERTO IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN, that spot changed my life lol) Now, if you’re tryna get on in the club and say that El Puerto is on you, then it better be on you – for all of us. In what world would it be okay for you to buy my food but not cop my friends too? Hmmmmm let me think, not this one!
“I’m not dating your friend.” “I’m tryna talk to you, not her.”
Listen, that’s all well and good, but my friends are an extension of me and how you treat them matters. Y’all don’t need to be best friends, but you should look out for them how you look out for me.
Your man should want to get to know your friends. He shouldn’t mind buying their coffee or opening the door for them. If he does sis, let him go. You, and the squad, deserve better.
8. Confidence not cockiness
Do I even have to explain this one? The quickest way to ensure I won’t text you back is to enter my dms and say “Im’a just leave this here,” this being your phone number. Well, that’s great that you left it there buttttttttt guess who won’t be texting you today?! ME.
Cocky men are problematic for many reasons. Mostly, they don’t know how to act right. They’re not the best thing since sliced bread, don’t give them the time of day. If you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you about the annoyances that would ensue.
Your hoodie is mine. It’s mine. I’m keeping it and you might not ever get it back. Accept it. Life was meant to be this way. It’s the natural order of things. I say you might not ever get it back because I’ll probably burn it if we stop talking/break up. 🙂 Under no circumstances are you to try and take said hoodie back. I don’t know what it is about men’s hoodies persay, but they’re just better. Hence you having none of them. Don’t worry, they’re safe and sound in my closet.
OH! If after a hoodienapping, he tries to be petty and mess with your makeup or hair products sis then just know that you have every right to declare war. May the odds be in your favor. All’s fair in love and war right?