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    the “what if” guy: #insecure

    Every girl has a “what if” guy (girl).

    What if timing had been on our side? What if we were closer in proximity to each other? What if I had given them a second chance? What if I hadn’t dubbed them? What if they pulled tf up on me? 

    Hell, everyone has a “what if” person. Also, everyone watches Insecure – Issa Rae’s fabulous show.

    Enter Daniel, Issa’s self-described “what if” guy. They went to high school together, dated [or were they just good friends?], followed each other through adulthood, but never actually got together. You know, made anything official. He wasn’t “ready” and she didn’t seem to know how to say she wanted him – nevermind the obvious sexual tension and attraction. 

    Daniel, like every good “what ifer” seemed to have a second sense that something wasn’t right in Issa’s life. It’s like he knew Lawrence, her boyfriend, was wasting away on the couch and forgot her birthday. 

    What if people always know this. They have a spidey sense for when things are going really good or really bad. And, it will always be at this exact moment that they pop up. 

    And pop back up Daniel did, with his fine, problematic, ruin your life self. Issa was of course on her, “I need to try new experiences and act out” tip so she let him back into her life like a big dummy.

    I’m sorry but you can’t be friends with your “what if” person. You just can’t. 

    Know why? “What if” is too much temptation for us. Humans are neophiliacs, meaning we are always attracted to and interested in new things –  places we haven’t been, experiences we haven’t had and humans we haven’t tried before.

    So, naturally, Issa and her “what if” guy get down. (I mean, we all saw it coming). And while she may have enjoyed herself in the moment, as soon as she left the world of “what if” and stopped validating her high school self, she knew that she had screwed up something in her real life.

    Because, here’s the thing about your “what if” person – you never happened the first time around for a reason. It might be one that you’ll never know or understand but, I really just need you to trust that. It simply was not meant to be. Furthermore, “what ifs” don’t belong in the real world. The air down here sullies their imagination and memory.

    So, you’ve got to leave your “what if” person in the land of possibilities. You know, before they pop up in your real life and you, like a dummy, let them ruin it because you just had to see, know or try.

    When it comes to your “what if” person – ignore all texts, dub all calls, don’t respond to Facebook messages, Twitter or IG DMs, and you better not have them on Snapchat.

    You have to forget the “what ifs” and enjoy the right nows. If it didn’t work then, it’s not going to work today either – probably for your own good and protection.

    In other words, keep and focus on your mid-glo to glo’ed up Lawrence (there’s the real potential) and forget about problematic, “what if” Daniel.

    Image: HBO 

    Gabrielle Hickmon
    Gabrielle Hickmon

    Find me on: Web | Twitter


    1. November 20, 2016 / 8:30 pm

      LOL I definitely think that you can be in contact with your Daniel as long as you’re realistic with yourself about the situation – some people just aren’t that mentally strong though. Them ‘what ifs’ will have you mind fucked though! The grass is ALWAYS greener.

    2. Jess
      November 22, 2016 / 4:34 am

      The grass isn’t always greener

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