You will be angry. You will be confused. You will spend days in bed wondering if they miss you too.
You will cry what feels like your heart out on the lap of your best friends because you just can’t take the physical pain anymore.
You will cry what you think, what you say will be your last tear and then you will cry some more.
You will question whether or not you did the right thing. You will wonder whether you two deciding to not be together anymore was really the only possible decision.
You will want to call, or text, or Facebook, or Tweet, but you won’t because you know that would do no good. You won’t because you’re afraid of what that means.
You will talk about them incessantly, because they were your world and so many of your memories are associated with them.
You will question what you did wrong? Could you have tried harder? Could you have worked it out?
Your self-esteem may take a dive. Was I not good enough? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not all of those sweet nothings they whispered in my ear? Did I not matter?
You will find poems, songs, and quotes that speak to what you feel. They will make you cry. They will make you feel strong.
You will try to move on- to rush into something new with the hope that this bright shiny new toy will make you forget about the old doll that you loved with all of your heart but had to put away, high on a shelf, in the back of your closet. Because things that are out of sight are out of mind right?
You will maybe share yourself with people you never should’ve in ways you wish you hadn’t.
You will want to scream, cry, curse like a sailor, and disappear, probably all in the span of one day.
But then, oh but then,
the sun will come out.
You will go somewhere new or do something exhilarating and realize that you wouldn’t have been able to do this before.
You will feel free– free to discover yourself, others, and the world around you without feeling restricted by your duties to someone else’s body. You will fall in love again– with yourself and maybe someday with someone else. You will know that you were and still are beautiful, valuable, and worthy of love. You will recognize that any “bad” decisions you made were simply a product of all that you were feeling and you will forgive yourself. You will forgive the universe for what feels like the removal of all things good from your life because you will recognize that greater things are coming. You will remember who you were, and though you are not the same ‘she’ anymore you will understand how and why you changed- you will appreciate your soul more. You will know who really has your back – who the friends and family you can truly count on are.
You will come to think of what you shared with them as a gift. -one that you were fortunate enough to unwrap and get to play with for a while. You will rejoice in the knowledge that if you could love someone who maybe wasn’t right for you so much, you will have infinite love to give to the person who is.
You will be afraid– to put yourself out there, to love again, to share your soul with another human being. This is okay. You’ve been hurt before. You recognize how scared you are now. You deserve to be picky about who you share your being with. Do not lament the walls that you will build. Simply know when it’s time to take them down. You will be lonely, but you will know that you are not alone. You will not let your loneliness lead you into a place you do not belong. You will thank God for the person you loved. Knowing you, you will probably always love them – you will probably always be willing to be there for them.
You will laugh. You will cry. You will feel weak. You will be strong. You will grow. You will change. You will love someone again, maybe. But mostly, you’ll just be thankful for the sunshine and the role the darkness played in helping you step into the light… You will know that moving forward has always been more important than moving on. You will be thankful for the gift, and look forward to the next one you get to unwrap.
It takes work, but…you will rise.